Thursday, February 01, 2007

advance deathbed musings

it's been thirty one days, twenty hours and forty seven minutes since the beginning of two thousand and seven.

so much for "making the year 2007 last longer than 2006."

that was the only new years resolution i had the guts to make, and i can't even be true to it.

this year might just slip through my fingers without my knowing it.

i'm scared of going to bed tonight (or tomorrow morning). i'm afraid that when i wake up, i'd find that 2007 is already over.

i don't know what's wrong with me. now, it's so important for me to make each day last. to relish every second. to savor every breath. to feel the air around me.

i may not do anything important, i may not discover the cure for aids (or genetic stupidity), but at least i know how i'm wasting my time.

i don't want to grow old and look back and wonder how i spent my youth. of course, it would be great to look back and know that you did really amazing things. but i'm a simple man. i have no illusions of greatness.

knowing i've gone to mts. banawe and sagada, boracay, vigan, et cetera is good enough for me.

going to more places like pagudpod, batanes and guimaras, wasting away in bed reading my favorite books, or being a couch potato for several days watching my favorite movies and series on dvd's, or learning new recipes, or making my own furnitures, or chatting and having coffee with good friends, dining with my mom and siblings, writing scripts that may or may not get produced, dramas that may or may not get staged, fictions and poems that may or may not get published, or having sex for days on end are good memories to look back at.

i just wish that when i finally do something about this, i'd still have enough time.

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